My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
