i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
