atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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