Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
