I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
