i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
