I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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