As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
