You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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