the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
