i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
