This is not my ceiling
Is it because I queefed?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
