Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
