You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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