My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
