I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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