You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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