I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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