I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
