are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Where is the hickey?
only if we run a train.
done.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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