even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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