i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
