Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
