WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
