I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was born a porn star she said
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
