dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
