you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
