guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
