whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
