I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
