he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
