With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
