and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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