so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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