I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
