We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
