Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
