Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
