my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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