I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
