i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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