He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This is the high leading the old right now
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
