Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Randomize
