Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
