Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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