My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
