He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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