well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
