Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
