BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
