Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
