I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Randomize
