I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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