"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
