I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
