angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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