Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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