a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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