Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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