Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
