I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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