Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The Olympian is in my bed
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
