I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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