I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
