It's Friday. Sex?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
