If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
