It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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