i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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