and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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