you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
