Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
