Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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