did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
