ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
