You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just want nice things and good sex
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
